130. Sustainable Individual-Individual Relationships

Sustainable individual-individual relationships are symbiotic relationships; and function best when each individual thoroughly understands and appreciates the values of this symbiosis.  As a professional holistic life coach, I have consistently found in intimate relationships that are on the brink of divorce that the one missing and most important element of every married or partnered relationship has been the absence of a genuine appreciation of the other, as the fundamental support for a sustainable relationship.  Many intimate and personal relationships are based on a quid pro quo basis.  Nothing wrong with that, except they are not sustainable.  There will always be some event, situation or development which will command the high ground of that relationship and stop the easy back and forth flow one to another.  

The best sustainable symbiotic relationship comes into existence when one partner voluntarily says that they will make every effort of help their partner grow into their potential, to help them just as the initiating partner would for their own life (equality).  Doing so will help improve the quality of life for both of them.  To initiate such a statement voluntarily tells me that this person is highly socialized and has an excellent self-image and high self-worth.  Their compassion is clearly evident.  Lastly, the initiator’s statement tells the listener that they are equally valued.  

Such a sustainable symbiosis can exist in almost any relationship, as long as it is offered with clear and transparent intentions for the good of the other person and is not self-serving.  Consider the most empathic, compassionate and loving relationship between a parent and his/her child.  In this case it is the parent who must empathically engage their child at their age and at their level of development.  To parent any child successfully, so the child becomes fully socialized, the parent must become the model of empathy, compassion and love.  In other words, the parent teaches the child by modeling how to become empathic, then compassionate and then to learn what genuine and authentic love is, and what it is not.  

In partnering relationships, a symbiotic relationship is essential for it to become a sustainable relationship.  It is neither “needy” nor “smothering” but expresses the intimate dance of two separate individuals acting as one without becoming enmeshed.  A sustainable relationship is attainable, but one that requires regular attention by both partners who demonstrate their compassionate care for the other.